Reproductive Counseling

Reproductive Decision-Making

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Parenting involves constant decision-making. For many of us, the difficult decisions start before our child is born.

You may be be struggling to decide whether becoming a parent is right for you. Or maybe you're considering parenting on your own or deciding whether to add to your family.

Or maybe you know you want to parent, but need help figuring out whether to use donor gametes (sperm or egg), embryo donation, surrogacy or adoption.

I can also help if you're

• considering becoming a sperm, egg or embryo donor

• deciding whether to undergo elective fertility preservation (ie. social egg freezing) for future parenting

• preparing to undergo gender-affirming medical treatment and want to discuss fertility preservation options

• considering fertility preservation prior to treatment for cancer​

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I support all family building options including the decision to live child-free.

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LGBTQ+ Family Building​​​

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You’ve decided you’re ready to be a parent and yet it feels like there are so many obstacles to getting there. Whose eggs or sperm do we use? Who carries the pregnancy? Do we inseminate at home or go the medical route? Known donor or sperm bank? How do I find a gestational carrier? Should we consider adoption? How do I get my fertility doctor to stop misgendering me?! 

I support gay, lesbian, bi, queer, transgender and non-binary solo and coupled parents-to-be to navigate the challenges of family building. 

Some of the issues I can help with include:

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• Donor selection

• Choosing a known donor and navigating the donor relationship

• Working with a gestational carrier

• Reciprocal IVF

• Transmasculine pregnancy

• Coping with heteronormative culture in fertility clinics

• Fertility challenges and reproductive loss

• Parenting support

I have long held myself to the highest standards of allyship by seeking ongoing training and consultation and by listening closely to the people who come to see me. I'm particularly committed to being an active ally to the transgender and gender-nonconforming community.

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​​Infertility Support

 

Infertility is one of the most devastating experiences a person can go through, made even more difficult because society doesn't recognize it as the traumatic experience it can be. Whatever you may have been told, stress is most likely NOT the cause of your infertility ("just relax and it will happen" is about the worst thing you can say to someone struggling to conceive.). However, there's no question that infertility treatment is stressful. Most people benefit from seeking support along the way.

 

Perhaps you’ve been trying to get pregnant for months and feel devastated every time you get your period.

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Or maybe you and your same sex partner always knew you’d need the help of a sperm or egg donor, but now it’s looking like you have a medical infertility diagnosis as well.

 

I provide support to people who are going through the roller-coaster ride of trying to conceive, whether you’re dealing with female or male factor infertility, unexplained infertility, secondary infertility (infertility after having already given birth), or have been given a diagnosis like endometriosis and told that getting pregnant will be difficult. 

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Perinatal Loss​​​

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When we decide to become parents, we open up our hearts to hope and love. Reproductive losses are heartbreaking. Often a loss is made more difficult because it isn't recognized by the broader culture. There are no proscribed rituals for a miscarriage and our friends and family may not know how to support us.

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Whether you’ve experienced a failed embryo transfer, a miscarriage or a stillbirth, you deserve time and space to grieve. I work with people to create meaning around loss and to find a path forward that honors connection.

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One of the most challenging forms of reproductive loss is when parents have to make the excruciating decision to terminate a wanted pregnancy for medical reasons (TFMR). Please know that I am a fierce advocate for reproductive freedom and here to support you, whatever decision you make.

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Third Party Reproduction​​

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The decision to have a child with the help of a sperm, egg or embryo donor is complex. It's been made more challenging by the advent of genetic testing, the end of donor anonymity and the demands of donor-conceived people that intended parents and the fertility industry pay attention to their needs. Prior to choosing a donor and deciding to move forward, it's important to make sure you understand the future implications of the decisions you make now.

 

I meet with individuals and couples to help you work through feelings about having a child to whom you (or your partner) are not genetically connected and to help you think through decisions that will impact your future family and the well-being of the child you bring into the world.

 

Of course, our reproductive stories don’t end when our children arrive.

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I'm here to support you and your family across the life span, helping parents explain donor conception to children, manage donor relationships and navigate decisions about connecting to donor siblings and genetically-related others.

 

Whether you’re a donor, a parent or a donor-conceived person, I’m happy to support you with all the complex feelings that this form of family building can evoke.

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Required Consultations for Donor Conception

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If you're working with a fertility clinic and planning to conceive with the help of an egg or sperm donor, or use donated embryos, your clinic may require you to meet with a therapist for a consultation.

 

You may be feeling put off by this requirement or wondering why it's necessary. After all, people have babies all the time without talking to a therapist.

 

Here's how I think about Donor Recipient Consultations:

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The first thing to know is that Donor Recipient Consultations are NOT evaluations. No one but you should be trying to determine whether or not you get to be a parent. Whatever language your clinic uses, please know that these meetings are intended as opportunities to get information and support for choosing your donor and raising donor conceived kids.

 

In recent years, adult donor-conceived people have been telling the fertility industry that it needs to do better by them. The Donor Recipient Consultation is one step in that direction. It's recommended for everyone using donor conception, but the individual meetings should be tailored to your needs.

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What the consultation is:

The main purpose of the consultation is to provide you with information about family building through donor conception. Topics include: implications of selecting a directed (known) or a non-directed (sperm or egg bank) donor; considerations for donor selection; information about genetic half siblings and strategies for talking to children about donor conception.

 

Topics addressed will vary to meet the diverse needs of LGBTQ+ families, heterosexually partnered couples and solo parents.

 

What the consultation is not:

This meeting is NOT an attempt to determine whether or not you get to be a parent. In the unlikely event that a concern arises during our conversation about your readiness to use donor conception to build your family, I will begin by discussing it with you.

 

I offer the following Family Building Consultations*:

 

• Psychoeducational Consultation for Individuals or Couples using non-identified (unknown) Sperm or Egg Donors - One 75-minute meeting

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• Psychoeducational Consultation for Directed Embryo Donation - Three Meetings

1. A Recipient Consultation (75 minutes)

2. A Consultation with the potential donors (75 minutes)

3. A Group meeting (60 minutes or less)

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* I provide clinic-required group consultations for directed donor arrangements on a case-by-case basis. If you are planning to use a directed (known) donor, let me know and we'll set up a call to discuss how I can help.

**I do not provide psychological assessments for donors or gestational carriers. If you need a referral for this service, feel free to reach out to me.

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